I hate valentine’s day. There, I said it. I can’t even bring myself to capitalize it. Now you can all breathe because most of you are thinking the same thing. But just because I choose not to call it an actual holiday, doesn’t mean that you can’t use it as a great excuse to find cool ways to love your husband. (Don’t worry, mom, this is rated G) I feel like such a failure writing a post like this. Y’all, I fail at this almost EVERY. STINKIN. DAY. I picture myself at the bottom of a ravine holding a small sign that says, “bridge out.” I’m trying to warn other women that this is a trap set by satan (I won’t capitalize his name either) to make marriage harder. Why is it so much easier to wail on our spouses instead of build them up?
Love and Respect
One of my favorite books that I love to give to newlyweds is called Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. It’s so amazing the way men and women are wired and there are entire websites dedicated to that discussion.
Here are some of my favorites:
- Mark Merrill has a great way of sharing in ways that are easy to read and make for great discussions with your spouse.
- Focus on the Family of course has to be in this list. We’ve been hearing from them for years!
- And most recently, the captain and I were able to attend a marriage retreat at Winshape and hear from Dr. Mike at Building Intimate Marriages. Truly amazing and yes, we did get a little giggly at the subject matter. I’d highly recommend any retreat that Winshape has to offer though for your marriage! They do a great job there.
The day I met the captain, I had never heard of the Love and Respect book but I sure could have used it over the years. Some things I am constantly working on that show respect to the captain is to make sure I stop what I’m doing (I’m always doing something) and look directly at him when he is talking. This helps the communication so much. Lastly, my brain goes nonstop and often times I think of something while he’s talking and I blurt it out. I make a conscious effort NOT to interrupt him while he’s talking. But again, it happens a lot. *insert frowny face
Be his safe place
Proverbs 31:11 says, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.”
The captain needs to know that I’m always in his corner. Does he do bonehead stuff that gripes on my nerves?
We could list those things all day, couldn’t we ladies? But what good would that do? Does this mean that I’m good at being his safe place?
But I know when I’ve broken it. I can see it on his face. Instantly, I realize it and I’m so sorry that those words ever left my lips. I can think them all day long and on a RARE occasion, God gives me a trustworthy girlfriend and we get to sit and drink coffee and vent and we never hold it against each other because we’re human and if it’s a true friend, she won’t judge you for being whiny that day. You know that mug that says, “Ladies, if a man says he’s going to do something, he’ll do it. You don’t have to remind him every 6 months about it.” It’s hilarious to us because men do tend to get distracted and sometimes forget what we asked them to do. And by the way, that mug is on amazon and I’m not even going to link to it here because I don’t think you should buy it.
Looking hot on the jet skis…
One time in particular that I felt myself tempted to really rip on him was when we first got the jet skis. We had saved and saved and instead of doing a one week trip to another country, we opted for a pair of jet skis that we would have til the kids were gone. Best decision ever. We have truly loved them. However, they have a really big learning curve! After many tries, my husband is now a pro at backing that trailer down our long driveway! He can do it great now! But in the beginning it would have been so easy to dash his confidence. That particular time, I held my tongue but I’m not always so good at it. In fact, I mess it up way more often than I get it right. But knowing it is half the battle. Read about the time we totally made a fuss over him when he changed jobs!!
Pray for him
When you let your husband know you are genuinely praying for him whether it’s a particular situation or just message him a verse out of the blue, he will love it! There are times when he’s so heavily weighing on my heart that I just have to stop and pray for him. I let him know later and he’s so appreciative of that.
Here are some sites I have found that you can use to gather more way to love your husband:
- Revive Our Hearts
- My friend, Brandi Riley, has an awesome article about it too on Mama Knows It All
- Also Katherine does such a great job with this one and I love the title!!! Talking to Your Partner Like a Child Is A Good Idea
So there you have it for now… 1. respect him, 2. be his safe place, and 3. pray for him.
I’d love to hear your stories about how you are loving your husband!