Good morning! I’m excited to hear from my teen boy mom friends! Y’all, we gotta stick together in this thing! It’s hard and scary. There are so many issues and we’ll never be able to tackle them all. One issue I’ve been asked about and deal with in our own home is our teen boy’s education and knowledge base of physical relationships and how they are directly related to his relationship with God. Remember when your kids were little and your worst problem was who stole someone’s light saber?
Go ahead and talk about sex
I have super awesome parents. Let’s start there. I was raised in a Christian home with values that I still hold and pass along to my boys. But when I was growing up, there was NO internet (I know, let that sink in for a moment.), NO cell phones, NO social media or any of that. Inappropriate physical activity was not talked about much if at all and that was just normal. The command that came down the pike was simply, “it’s bad, don’t do it.” Well, guess what? It’s not awful, it’s great!
Everything in me wants to warn my boys that this feels great, you’re totally gonna want to do it, and you’re almost going to be able to convince yourself that it’s fine to do outside of marriage!
So there’s that.
Here is the book series the captain and I recommend and what we used with our boys.
All that said,
WE DO NOT HAVE THIS FIGURED OUT
I don’t have the solution, or answers, or right way.
I’m sharing with you the series we used for our boys and my regret at not starting it sooner. I want you to think of this as a form of inoculation. Giving your boys small snippets of truth and backing all of it up with scripture will help them make good decisions on their own when it counts. Can you do anything to ensure he won’t do something stupid later? Nope. None of us can do that. But you can build a foundation of understanding of why God created sex to begin with and what His intentions are for us all.
Start talking about sex early – why it’s ok
I’ve heard from quite a few parents that they are preparing for “the talk”. Here’s why I disagree with making it a huge deal. When you have one ‘talk’ about a subject they are going to deal with FOREVER, all their questions don’t get answered because they feel like the door is only open for that day/hour/time. They are going to have lots of questions they don’t even know how to ask until this has mulled over in their minds for a long time. You don’t want them googling this!! Open the door to this conversation, let it be ok, and make it a part of your normal conversation.
Here’s our verse for today,
If you learn something wrong, it takes 10 times learning it right to fix it
In my opinion, this verse does the perfect job at making this something that harms them at their core. When you abuse the gift of sex and use it outside of God’s intentions, you are harming yourself and others. Instead of focusing our ‘talk’ on the mechanics of sex and how it works, let’s focus on relationships and how they were meant to be when God created them. The captain has been an instructor of aviation for over 20 years. He says that statistically, if you learn something wrong to begin with, it takes 10 times learning it right to override the initial imprinted lesson. He says it’s much easier to train someone with no preconceived notions than to train someone who thinks they already know it all.
Let that sink in for a moment… 10 times, y’all.
Arm your boys with truth
That means when our teens don’t have the foundation of truth, and some moron at school, church, or snapchat tells them something wrong, it’s going to take 10 times of us teaching them right to fix that. Wouldn’t it be easier if they knew the truth first then when they heard a lie, they’d recognize it? The first book in the series we recommend is geared toward kids ages 3-5. Yep, you read that right. It’s called The Story of Me and it’s watercolor drawings and it’s a great intro. The captain and I started when they were about 10 years old and skimmed through the first two books over a month then went to book three. My boys were absorbing the information and one of them said, “that’s what mating means on the nature shows and what they’re doing?” Yep. See, y’all, the questions are already swirling around in their heads. They just don’t articulate them. It was a great conversation starter about the differences between the animal kingdom and mankind and why God wants us to have a personal relationship with Him.
This is far from covering this subject but my thoughts are:
- talk about sex early and keep the conversation going
- always connect it to the affect it has on their relationship with Jesus
- nothing is off limits – if they aren’t allowed to ask you, they’ll ask a friend – which would you prefer?
- finally, Pray Pray Pray!!!
If you missed the first part of this series, you can find it here: